Rude Awakening

General Fiction, Humor

By Michael Dale

Publisher : Scamp Fiction/Underdog Books

Rude Awakening

ABOUT Michael Dale

Michael Dale
Michael Dale is a thirty-year-old artist from London. He left school at fifteen as a consequence of addiction issues that thwarted any chance he had of publishing anything worth bragging about in his earlier life (though he certainly acquired some invaluable experience). Nearly five years  More...


TODAY, is like any other mind-numbingly boring, soul-destroying day at the office. That is except for Pamela Hoare, Charlie Cockburn and that weird junior accountant no-one has noticed before. 
TODAY, slutty secretary, Pamela Hoare, is about to put the finishing touches to her plan to blackmail her sexually repressed boss, Mr Rupen Patel, and make him her bitch. 
TODAY, Charlie Cockburn, coked-up, hung-over and horny as hell realizes just how close he is to losing his job and decides to tell Mr Patel to stick it up his are. 
AND THEN there is that junior accountant - just so you know, his name is Lucas Swink - today, he will blow up a window and leap out the office block in attempt to awaken the masses. 
Hoare, Cockburn and Swink are just some of the fucked-up, desperate souls you'll follow in this breakthrough novel that takes an unflinching look at London's cubicle driven society. Let Rude Awakening scratch away the shit-stained window of your perceptions and show you that everyone, from high-rolling businessmen to desperate barmaids, wants something more but doesn't know how to get it.
"Warning: This book is pure poison. Laugh yourself sick!"

My name is Michael Dale. I am a thirty-year-old Londoner currently based in Cape Town with my wife and baby daughter. As a consequence of addiction issues, I left school at the age of fifteen. Addiction thwarted any chance I had of accomplishing anything worth bragging about in my earlier life, though I certainly acquired some invaluable experience: the fun aspects were traveling to numerous countries across four continents all the way from Thailand’s full moon parties to sitting in a live mud volcano in Columbia, while the darker moments were three trips to rehab and a couple of rather serious attempts at suicide, to name a few. Almost five years sober and having eaten a fair portion of humble pie, I now feel ready to unleash my talents that I previously so vehemently attempted to suppress with booze and drugs. I was scared, but that fear no longer represses my voice. I have really lived the experiences I write about – my life and subject matter are so entangled I am not sure where the one begins and the other ends. This is my first novel, but hopefully not my last. My ambition is to create stories of mass global appeal that translate easily to film and I believe I have the necessary charisma to develop a successful career through a wide variety of media. My main influence is Irvine Welsh and the irreverence of Trainspotting is something I hope to portray in Rude Awakening. When I am not writing, you will find me attacking blank canvasses with colorful paints, trying to catch the odd wave in Cape Town’s Southern Peninsula, or watching a bit of footy on the telly. Sometimes I dream about driving the entire length of the Silk Road Pass through the Himalayas on a motorbike with my wife and daughter in a sidecar, and I muse about indulging in exotic cuisine off the beaten track. Creativity flows violently through my veins and if I don’t express it in a variety of ways it literally eats me alive from the inside out. Michael Dale

"A unique narrative voice." 

Felicity Blunt. Literary agent Curtis Brown.

"A real hammer of a read! The definition of daring!" Jessee Powell

"An ejaculation of red hot wit!" Orlando Furioso

“I loved the visceral frankness of your imagery and the depth of introspective acuity you exhibit. I sense your anger keenly and think it a most useful tool.”

Andrew Alexander. Author of Fly Fishing For Sharks“Absolutely hilarious and uncomfortably realistic!” Henrietta Dale

“Jesus... addictive reading. Laugh out loud funny, yet deeply moving at times.” E.Martin

"I was completely bowled over by the pulsating, in-your-face writing style. Rude Awakening moved at a frenetic pace normally associated with a hopped-up high!" Kenneth Edward Lim

"I was hooked by the unique writing style. I'm sure I've worked with Pamela Hoare's evil twin sister! Very sharp and witty" Stephen Racket.