This manuscript could use a good editor, but I’ve seen much worse. Whether that puts you off or not depends on just how much grammar and word choice issues bug you. I found it a livable level.
Akiyo is an interesting character, trapped between a fantasy girl and a real girl. He needs to pull himself together enough to make the money that fuels his addiction, but he’s so busy trying to get a new fix that he gets himself fired from the jobs that pay him. Once he becomes convinced that he needs to ride to the rescue of his fantasy girl, he takes leave of the last dregs of his common sense. Unfortunately, Yuki put her reputation on the line to get Akiyo his new job. Yuki is both shy and sweetly flirtatious, but she doesn’t have as much depth as Akiyo. Akiyo is the only character in the book with real depth; of course, you could make an argument for the idea that he’s so wrapped up in his fantasy-world addiction that other people don’t quite seem real to him. Not an argument I’m likely to agree with, but I could see it.
Things get interesting as Akiyo tries to juggle real life with fantasy, and he gets so wrapped up in the idea of saving his idealized fantasy girl that he starts to bring harm upon the people around him. Watching his descent into madness is engrossing. Figuring out how much of his world is reality and how much is fantasy adds to the stakes. The pacing starts slow and builds up nicely, ramping up at the end as Akiyo becomes obsessed with returning to his fantasy. I enjoyed the way in which events unfolded, and the ending left me both intrigued and satisfied.
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